Outsourcing Customer Support Sucks

This is a transcription of my customer service request to a leading software testing tool company…

(Product details have been omitted)

Me :
Need Physical Media – Product X

I have requested physical media for Product X multiple times and still
not received the CDs. Could you please mail me the physical media to
the address included in my Support profile?

Them :
Hi Matt,

I am going to reassign this issue to License team and they will assist you regarding the Product X License.

Me:
Just to clarify, I don’t need a license, I just need physical media.

Thanks,

Matt

Them:
Hello Matt,

I found your SR’s with your upgrade requests for Product Y. I can not ship Cd’s, they are shipped from overseas. I can send links. Please resond to your SR’s for your CD shipments.

*Note : They’re pointing me to the service request I opened to get CDs for a different product.

Them:
Hello Matt,

Here are the download links for Product X. If you need the physical CD, please login to support and click on the “submit upgrade request” link on the right hand side, as physical shipment requests are handled overseas now.

*Note: The reason I opened the service request in the first place is because the “Submit Upgrade Request” link didn’t get me any CDs.

Me:
Thanks for the download link. I have downloaded and installed Product X. However, I still need physical media. I have requested the physical media several times using the method you described with no success. Please look into this.

Them:
Hello Matt,

These are your SR’s for your CD’s. I will send a email to the person that ships these and see if he can get to these sooner.

*Note : At this point they’re pointing me to the service request I opened to get CDs for a different product, AGAIN.

Me:
I don’t need Product Y disks. I need Product X. I don’t understand why this is so difficult. I just received 2 Product Y, and it is not what I requested. I need Product X media.

Thanks,

Matt

Them:
Hello Matt,

I found your CD request for Product Y. Alex replied to you with the links and stated if you needed CD’s to reply back. I don’t see a reply from you. I can send an email to have him send the CD’s to you as soon as possible. Unfortunately I can not ship CD’s from this location they are now shipped overseas.

*Note: AGAIN, they are talking about a different Service Request where I asked for Product Y CDs. I’m trying to get Product X CDs in this request.

Me:
The title of the ticket is “Need PHYSICAL MEDIA.” I wasn’t asking for the download links in the first place. Please read the entirety of this service request. ( I asked for physical media and the service representative thought I needed licenses. I corrected the Service Representative, and then received download links for Product Y, which isn’t what I requested. I then got download links for Product X, and was instructed to use the “Submit Upgrade Request” form. The whole reason I opened the request is because I’ve tried the “Submit Upgrade Request” form multiple times and have never received the CDs I requested.) If I can’t get CDs by using the online form (which I’ve tried several times) and you can’t send me CDs, how am I supposed to get them?

Isn’t this INSANE?!

Online Reviews – Not Support

Hear ye, hear ye!

The product review section of online stores is not for asking your support questions!

I always love it when I see entries like :

“4 stars, a great product!”
“2 stars, I didn’t like it.”
“I can’t get it to work, has anybody seen this error before?”

Way to go Einstein. Yeah, I’d think that a link labeled “Reviews” actually means “Ask your dumb question here when you should actually RTFM” too. 😉

Superman II – Richard Donner Directors Cut

My brother let me borrow his copy of the recently released Superman II Richard Donner Director’s Cut DVD. As a kid, I loved Superman II. What kid wouldn’t like 3 super villians fighting Superman? As an adult, the theatrical release of the movie is almost unwatchable.

Here’s a little back-story for you : You see Superman I and II were filmed simultaneously as Richard Donner as the director. The Superman project ran into some schedule and budget problems though, so at one point Superman II production was put on hold to ensure that Superman would be completed at a more acceptable time frame, and budget. When Superman I was released, and was a hit, Superman II was revived, but not with Richard Donner. The producers of Superman I and II, the Salkinds, had a falling out with Richard during the completion of Superman I, so the Salkinds brought in a different director for Superman II. Because of this change, the feel of Superman II took a campy turn. (As did all the remaining Superman sequels.) There was a large amount of footage that Richard Donner shot for Superman II (almost a whole movie’s worth) that never saw the light of day because the new director had his own vision for the film.

The Richard Donner version of the film, is a MUCH BETTER MOVIE. Gone are the campy squeeks and whimpers of Non, the large bafoon villain. Gone is the lame bystander dialog during the Metropolis fight scene between Superman, and the Super Villains. (In the original version at some point Superman is knocked into someone’s wind sheild and the person inside the car states “he’ll pay for it!”) Gone are the lame sight gags during the fight scene including someone getting an ice cream cone in the face, a man’s toupee being blown off, and a guy on roller skates wearing a sequin vest being blown down the street.

The most important change, in my opinion, in the Richard Donner version is the removal of the horrible fight scene in Superman’s fortress of solitude. In the original version, Superman and his enemies mysteriously gain powers that Superman has never had, like the ability to shoot beams from their fingers, teleport, and in Supermans case throw a Suran Wrap “S” at his enemies to disable them. This horrid scene is gone in the Donner Cut.

As a whole, the Donner cut is a more serious movie. It’s more consistent with Superman I in regard to “feel.” If you liked Superman II as a kid, but can’t sit through it as an adult, I highly recommend you check out the Richard Donner cut of the movie. It’s much better.

Enter Sandman…Please?

Oh how I love insomnia. I’m writing this blog entry at 2:30 in the morning. Since I have to get up at 7:30, you can guess how much this sucks. I really need to go the doctor about this. I just don’t get enough sleep any more. This probably happens at least once a week now.

On a more pleasant note, I got a new digital camera on Saturday! It’s a 7.1MP Canon Powershot SD1000. It’s a really great camera. It’s pocket sized, and has a really fast auto focus, and image processing speed. My favorite feature however is the red eye removal. After you’ve taken a picture, and notice that there’s really bad red eye (like I’ve got right now) you can view the picture on the camera’s playback mode, and use the thumb pad to draw a box around the red eye area of the image and remove the red eye. This way, I can remove the red eye while I take the pictures, and not later in bulk when I upload the images to iPhoto. Take a look at the latest pictures in my Flickr library to see some of the SD1000’s handiwork.

Sweet dreams everyone!

A Letter to My Late-Night Cereal Dealer

Dear Kellogg’s,

I would like to inquire why, with your ability to form corn, wheat, and oats into seemingly impossible shapes and infuse them with artificial sweeters and preservatives (which is very tasty BTW) , you can’t package your cereal with an inner liner that won’t lose every ounce of its structural integrity upon its first opening. Is it made of tissue paper? Old newsprint from the 50’s? Everytime I crack open a newly purchased box of Frosted Flakes, or Honey Smacks, a gapping hole in the liner is created through which rogue cereal morsels escape to the bowels of the box, never to be seen or heard from (if it’s a Rice Crispy) again. Post doesn’t have this problem! They have inner liners that are made of a thin plastic where each corner can be easily opened forming a little “spout” where all their cereal goodness can be directed into my bowl. Now granted, their liners might not be as “earth friendly” as yours, but that’s a small price to pay for my ability to easily pour sugar saturated processed grains into my bowl at 11:30 at night so that I can gain another 5lbs. Come on Kellogg’s! Get your act together! Cereal isn’t grown on trees (is it?)! There’s no need to waste good cereal by letting it escape to the bottom of the box like a bunch of senior citizens moving to Florida to wait out their lives and expire. (Ok, so my analogy broke down.) Anyway, the point is – strong plastic inner bag = good. Scott’s toilet tissue inner bag = bad.

Your loyal Cereal Junkie,

Matt

Movie Review : American Psycho

This is not a new movie, I know, but it’s one of those movies my friends kept telling me I needed to see and I never got around to it. Today, I finally did. To my friends, let me say this : “Did I miss something?” To be honest I felt this movie was a waste of 2 hours. When it comes down to it, I think I just didn’t “get it.” Was this movie supposed to be a comedy? A thriller? A dramedy? A thrillomedrama? All of the above? The problem with this movie is that if it was supposed to be all those things, it did none of them well. It wasn’t thrilling or funny. The parts that were supposed to be disturbing were ruined because of the movies quirky humor, and the parts that were supposed to be funny were ruined by the movies subject matter. The main character played by Christian Bale (who did a good job) was so pathetic that he couldn’t create any suspense. The only part of the movie that ellicited any kind of emotional response was the scene in which he spared his assistant by telling her to leave before he hurt her. I gotta say the ending did nothing for me either. It didn’t really wrap anything up, or give the viewer any kind of resolution. Again, maybe I just didn’t get it.

Anyway, I give it ** out of ***** .

Van Halen Tour Announced (Again)

The Van Halen website recently announced that Van Halen will be kicking off a reunion tour with David Lee Roth in September. The first 2 shows on the tour schedule are Charlotte, NC and Greensboro, NC. Even though I’ve never really liked Greensboro Coliseum, I think I’m going to try and get tickets to that show since Greensboro is only about 1:15 from from Raleigh. Mike Anthony is still not in the band, which is a real shame, but Eddie Van Halen’s son, Wolfgang will be playing bass. Hopefully, next year, we’ll see another Van Halen tour with Sammy and Mike back in the band.

I’m really looking forward to this show. I’m too young to have seen Van Halen during the Roth years, but love the VH, Diver Down, Fair Warning, Women and Children First, and 1984 albums. So, here’s my chance to see Dave in action. (Even if he is a goofy bastard. 😉 )